Lessons Learned Part 1

Do not underestimate the power of has-been athletes and competition.

Do not underestimate the power of enthusiasm for the absurd.

The aforementioned lessons are some that we probably all know on some level, but which were reinforced to me this past weekend at my wife's family reunion.

Let me begin by clarifying my feelings toward the family I married into almost seven years ago.  My wife's family is a model of unity, forgiveness, unselfishness, and love.  This is a family who accepts all newcomers and visitors with open arms and a cold beer.  I love them, and I'm privileged to call them family.

That said, there appears to be a deficiency in the gene pool, particularly toward discretion and restraint.  Nowhere is this deficiency more clearly displayed than at the annual family reunion.

The reunion is held at the home of one of my wife's uncles and his family.  Their home is beautiful, complete with a man-made lake that houses paddle boats, a dock with a diving board, and various other fun-making accouterments.  And fun, after all, is the name of the game at family reunion.  Fun at all costs.

And I do mean, ALL costs.

A few years ago, it was decided that fireworks would be a great way to cap off the family reunion.  But, it was discovered that launching the kind of fireworks that were "worth a damn" required a commercial firework technician license.  So...my wife's uncle got his license.  In all fairness, the fireworks were pretty damn cool...until a wayward bottle rocked(two words that should never be put together) set a hill on fire.

That day, I learned two things:  That an entire hill can be set on fire, and that the State of Wisconsin should really revisit the requirements for a firework operator license.

This year...for the third or fourth time, it was decided that a competition was in order a "family reunion Olympics" should be held.

I could hardly wait...